The Gimpy Colon*

*No, it's not another trendy bar.

The Thanksgiving Feast…

on November 25, 2011

Happy Turkey Day everyone!!! I am at my brother’s house which is situated just west of Cleveland, Ohio. My whole immediate family is here and as usual, we are having a wonderful time. Currently, a group of us including Farmboy and most of the men in the house are preparing to make their way to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a group is staying home to veg out.. and a group of us is preparing for some marathon shopping (I’m in the marathon shopping group).

Thanks to the wonders of Remicade, I was able to seriously enjoy Thanksgiving with no limitations. I technically have to lay off the gluten, however, there were a few instances in the past few weeks that because of my poor planning, I was forced to eat gluten. The first time I knowingly ate gluten, I sat in a chair and waited for some sort of horrible side effect, a headache, SOMETHING negative that would cause me to never touch gluten again. If you have ever read Elizabeth Hasslebeck’s book about Celiac disease, you know how horribly sick she (and many many people with Celiac disease) get when they have even the smallest amount of gluten. Well not me… I was fine… so fine in fact that I got a tad bit cocky about it.

I have yet to get horribly sick at all from anything I’ve eaten in the past few weeks, which includes fruits, vegetables, nuts, gluten… all the stuff that I wasn’t supposed to ever eat… ever again. So, I run around with a box of gluten-free Cinnamon Chex cereal (which if you are gluten-free, you should totally check out… it’s a great go-to meal if there is nothing else available to eat, true sustenance and pretty darn tasty).

I do have a few small self-discovered parameters I have to follow when I eat now or else I can feel the colon start to gimp out.

First and probably most importantly, I have to eat teeny meals… so I’ve basically turned into a grazer of sorts. That’s the way humans are supposed to eat, I’m told, so I guess that isn’t so weird. Last night I ate a plate of Thanksgiving goodness. There was no way I could handle dessert so I had to kind of skip it (except for the two cookies, but cookies hardly count as dessert… dessert is PIE or CAKE, just sayin…)

Second gluten needs to be worth it. If I eat gluten for any amount of time after I leave Cleveland, I should be shot. Most gimpy colons can actually feel food going through the system. I know when it hits my stomach, I know when it’s rockin’ the intestines. I have to be very in tune with the goings on in there and even though I haven’t been sick yet, I know the clock is ticking. I will go home and go back to gluten-free and I will look forward to the next special occasion where I can have gluten again… I know I’m pressing my luck.. but you haven’t had my sister-in-law’s stuffing… it’s totally stellar…

Third is actually exercise…I know, I know.. a lot of gimpy colons are totally exhausted most of the time, but I definitely feel a little better after a nice walk. Randal (dog) usually gets a walk out of me and I ALWAYS feel better… I didn’t get any exercise yesterday at all even though I kept meaning to get out there and go for a walk.. it just never happened and I feel like a slug. Today though, is the marathon shopping trip, so therefore, I should make up for yesterday with today. Plus, Randal is at the doggie spa probably being fed grapes and having a massage as we speak. So he probably wouldn’t want a walk anyway…I’m weird about my dog.

But enough of that. Today’s Glutie Award goes to all the good hosts of the world who ask gimpy colons how they can enhance their stays… my sister-in-law had gluten-free Cinnamon Chex cereal all set for me even though I dove head first into a bag of bagels my mom brought from New York. At least I know that it was there if the jig was ever up and I had to immediately revert back to totally gluten free in a jiffy.

To all of you good hosts… we salute you!!!


2 responses to “The Thanksgiving Feast…

  1. damudder says:

    I totally agree with your at-home eating plan mentioned in your 6th paragraph. Please stick to it because you’re really pushing it.

  2. Lynda (AKA puddin) says:

    Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah Maura!!!! Are you ready for Nino’s???
    BTW…….dont let the doggie spa give dearest Randal grapes…….they are toxic to dogs and I have a $1,000 vet bill as evidence!!!!
    Good luck to you and happy eatingj
    Love you!

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